growing up – a reflection

Growing up is sometimes hard for me to embrace. Not knowing what exactly the future holds makes me nervous. It’s hard to realize that every action you take might be a moment you’ll look back on and end up regretting. Everything you do now could drastically change your future.

On another note, I want to take a moment to thank everyone that has helped me learn and grow, the people that are assisting in making me the person I am. Thank you to my parents that are ever helping me grow closer to the Lord. Thank you to my brothers for always having my back. Thank you to my friends that are so so special to me and are always there for me. Thank you to the people who hate me and told me I’d be better off dead – you have made me realize I am actually worth it and there are people who love me.

Here are some verses I am thinking on and praying on as I get ready to celebrate my birthday. I hope they will encourage you as well. (:

“Impress these words of Mine on your hearts and souls, bind them as a sign on your hands, and let them be a symbol on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

Deuteronomy 11:18-19

How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping Your word.

Psalm 119:9

Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

entropy

my life was clear lines

drawn perfectly straight.

it was colour-coded planners

and jars nicely arranged with neat labels.

it was predictable

and controlled.

 

but my love, you are colour outside of lines,

and i cant match you up with any code.

you are in jars i cant make labels for

or fit in with the others.

you are the opposite of everything i had known.

 

you are crash

and collide,

the definition of entropy.

you are the beautiful chaos

that brought me together.

and my love for you, it is endless.

temple

when she was younger, you tried to tell her that her body

was a temple.

 

but then you insisted she had to have a small waist and a curvy figure to be seen as attractive;

you threw her into this mold of a body that you had formed in your mind.

you taught her to measure how much skin she showed:

shorts down to midthigh, skirts not too short, no shoulder or back exposed.

you told her it was her fault if a cute boy had a single wrong thought

about her and her body.

when he put his hands on her even after she said no

and when they ridiculed her because of her body even after she told them to stop

all you had to say then was “you were probably asking for it”

and “well, look at the clothes you wear”.

you trained her to shame other women if they wore

something you didnt like or approve of.

if you didnt accept what others covered their bodies with,

she shouldnt accept them.

 

you tried to teach her that beauty was more than skin-deep,

but what she learned was just the opposite.

instead of her body being a temple, it wasnt even an altar.

 

it was just a sacrifice to those who didnt deserve her.