confused

for a long time, no one has stolen my heart.

then you came along and tore me apart.

is it love? my mind is trapped in a cell.

im sure it isnt, who can tell?

feelings inside of me, i cant control.

what will it do to her if i let my heart go?

 

im certain she loves you, though she denies it.

i know her better than i know myself; i get it.

flirting, flirting is all you do.

why do i think it’s so cute?

 

i refuse to hurt my best friend.

your adorable laugh and cute smile won’t win.

i cant hurt her in this way, what will i gain?

a stupid love that will last a day?

 

i refuse to love you, for her and for me.

but i cant help my feelings – ugh, why cant i breathe?

your shoulders brush against mine when you pass me by,

that smirk on your face every time.

 

as much as it pains me to say

these feelings need to go away,

im not going to hurt her. i won’t.

so help me out, and leave me alone.

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death – a reflection/prose

breath. so simple, but so intense.

how quickly it goes away, and how quickly it comes back again.

you know that i loved you; i loved you enough to not let you go.

 

but now it doesn’t matter, ’cause someone’s gotta go. and that someone was you.

i carry myself as if nothing happened. so people don’t start to worry about me.

i miss the me when you were here.

i miss the us.

 

i remember the times we laughed, the times we cried, but most of all, the times we both loved each others company.

no matter what happened to me, you always found a way to cheer me up.

we were never meant to say goodbye.

 

she worries about me, but i tell her not to. i don’t want to make her upset as well. so i give the news to someone else, to pass on to her.

’cause it would kill me, even more, to see her unhappy for me.

 

she talks to me, but i hear nothing. the voice of you still rings in my mind. i can’t get over it.

they tell me to pray, to get over it. but i can’t. i won’t.

 

i bring you flowers, ya know. every day i replace the old ones with the new. i tell you what’s happened that day and what i’m doing tomorrow.

 

i lay in bed at night thinking of you. was it love? i’ll never tell. at least, never tell her. it would make it worse.

i miss you every day. i think that if i shut people out i’ll deal with it myself.

but i could never shut her out. she makes me smile and laugh. but not like you did.

 

maybe if i try really hard, i’ll see you soon. i’ll see you soon, my dear. sooner than you think.

 

life often asks death why people dislike death but love life so much. death always says, “because life is a beautiful lie and I’m a heartbreaking truth.”

heart

a beautiful song i wrote for two.

a beautiful song i wrote for you.

a beautiful song i sang to the stars.

a beautiful song i sang to a star.

 

a melody i thought was sweet,

was something only she could sing.

the way you looked at her and not me,

was the saddest thing i’d ever see.

 

you promised her your heart;

in doing so, you tore mine apart.

i’ll never be her, as you can see.

i’ll always be plain, boring me.

 

is it at all possible, im sure it’s true,

to have your heart broken by someone

who wouldn’t even date you…

senses

i dance with the dead;
they sing their songs in my head.
and i have keys to places
you’ll only see in your dreams.

they stare me down and
i turn my eyes to you.
but you look away
and dont give me a second glance.

their whispers fill the room
and the fake laughter echoes in my ear.
i wait to hear anything from you,
but not even a breath escapes in my direction.

i can taste their lies –
they are bitter in my mouth.
your words would be sweet;
won’t you fill me up with them?

they can smell my fear
from a mile away.
all you would smell is my lilac perfume.
if only you would draw me close again.

they brush their shoulders against me
as if they dont even know im there.
but one touch from you
brings me to my senses.

we could dance with the dead,
and their songs could replay in our heads.
couldnt we share keys to our most secret places,
and it all be more than a dream?